I don't want to share info about my studies cuz c'mon really, who would want to hear that? haha instead, I'm gonna share about my boy-girl dilemma.. ayan! gusto nyo yan noh? hahah pero sorry to disappoint you, I don't have any. Ni crush wala! Weird kasi dati PARATI akong may crush, tas ngayon wala as in. Merong guy sa school though, he's white. We don't know each other actually but I'm pretty sure we know each other's names cuz we have classes together. Anyways, nung una patingin tingin sya.. eh ang haba ng baba nya so I refused to engage in such flirting. Pero recently I've been purposefully looking at him for my own reasons, tingin naman sya sakin hahah! pero no... hanggang doon lang siguro. kasi hindi ko naman talaga sya kilala, ni hindi ko nga alam kung Christian sya or hindi so yeah, wag na lang.. or at least, wag muna. haha natatandaan ko dati may spare ako so I decided to play catch outside the school with a friend of mine. kami lang dalawa nasa labas nun.. tapos biglang may dumating na kotse sa parking lot, tas isa SYA sa bumaba sa kotse, nakita nya ako nakita ko sya tapos pumasok sya sa school.. maya maya biglang lumabas kung nasan ako naglalaro, may dala dalang soccer ball then started playing outside! sabi ko sa sarili ko "eto sinusundan ata ako nito eh" bwahaha! kapal talaga ng mukha ko noh? sorry ah! tagal ko na kasing walang "kilig moment" eh haha xD
anyways, enough of the pathetic part of my life! on to the spiritual. well, i don't know actually.. mula nung pumunta ako dito, I'm ashamed to admit it pero parang namamatay yung fire ko kay Lord. As in parang, dahil nakukuha ko na lahat ng gusto hindi na masyadong importante ang magdasal. I know that it's wrong... pero talagang I'm trying hard to overcome this. Ayokong maging ganito. Siguro test lang ito sakin ni Lord for the future kasi may plano akong maging missionary. I think God wants me to be stronger in faith kasi feeling ko parang walang ako napupuntahan. Yung tipong walang progress ang buhay ko... parang stagnant lang. I think its time I take a step on to the next level. Sana lang makayanan ko.
I'm currently in grade 12 right now and I'm graduating in a few days, that means I'm off to college! and hay nako... Sabi ng mom ko Nursing daw, and she is so psyched about it... thing is... I'm not. I'm not even sure that I want nursing to be my carreer. Actually, hindi ko pa alam kung ano gusto ni Lord na gawin ko. and I'm running out of time. Ewan. every time minemention ni mommy ang nursing, ako naman parang "whatever". Alam mo naman mga filipino parents, kelangan maging doctor ka or engineer or nurse or something computer related. Basta ba malaki ang pera... ughhhh hindi ko talaga alam kung anong gagawin ko! Nakakainis. Ibang tao kasi, they know what they're good at. So kunwari kung mahilig sila sa computers, oh di mag computer-whatever course sila. Ako kasi, masyado akong maraming gusto... Marami ako hilig na gawin. And most of that pa ay yung "artsy" side.. yung tipong, ART as in music, photography, dance etc. I mean, anong mapupuntahan ko kung sundan ko yung mga gusto ko? I love singing, but I'm not good enough to be a successful singer. I want to teach music, but I don't even know how to read notes. I love photography, but I'm not creative and observative enough to be an amazing photographer. I love dancing, the one thing that I gave so much time and effort for... 6 years of dancing ballet I thought I had it all together, I told myself I want to build my own dance school. A few moments later I find myself quitting because of financial problems and laziness. Ok na sana, kaso nawala. Hindi ko talaga alam. I told my mom that after highschool I need some time off, go to summer school and study to bump my grades up. Then she told me,
"Erica, kahit mag take ka ng time off after high school, wag kang magpalit ha?"
Ako naman: "wag magpalit ng ano?"
"Ng course, ng nursing."
I told my mom before that I'm considering nursing. I dont know, I might even have told her that that's what I'm doing for sure... but I'm NOT sure. And so ngayon she thinks that my life-long dream is nursing, which is not. I mean, for a person who barely accomplished anything (I'm refering to myself), one of my goals is to impress my parents and be able to make them proud. Doing that, I have to follow what they say. And right now, my mom is saying NURSING. I want to make her happy, but I don't know how I could do that by telling her "ma, I want to be a [insert not-s0-profitable job]"? and what's weird is, in here in Canada, nursing is apparently very competitive! Like one time a friend asked me what I'm doing after highschool and so replied with "nursing", then she answered back "really? you must be REALLY smart then".. but I'm not. I have always been a bad student... going back to my old school in the Philippines, I'm pretty sure teachers hated me for ignoring their hard work they put in teaching. I won't go in to details, but all I have to say is I AM NOT PROUD OF WHO or WHAT I WAS BEFORE. but I should move on right? I shouldn't let this carelessness of the past affect who I am today right? RIGHT!
I'm not sure if you've noticed (probably not), but I've been writing this blog at different days on different weeks. I think I've been writing it for almost 2 months now or more. I just keep on adding and adding stuff xD anyways, I think this is about enough. Thank you for reading reader, hope you have a nice day :D